He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
