there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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