I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
