While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You took a bar mat shot.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
