I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
