I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
