I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
