Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize