I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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