cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
