hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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