she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize