I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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