just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
