GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
