I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
