So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
