I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
