he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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