The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
