It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
