she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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