the condom got lost in my hair
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
