i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
