you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
