Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
