new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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