LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
