they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
