i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
