you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this just has baby written all over it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You are a genius and a whore.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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