last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
