wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
