it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
