I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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