We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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