Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
