what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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