WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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