worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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