i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
