If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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