3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
