Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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