Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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