Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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