Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
