I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
