All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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