you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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