Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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