It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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