dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
