i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
