You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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