i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
