drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
