last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
