trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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