i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
