i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize