when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
