last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
