dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
