just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
