a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
