I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Such a big mess for such a small penis
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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