Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
