The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
