Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
