i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you had me at cake vodka
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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