Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
