This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
