i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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