Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
