So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
