i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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