So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
