If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
